Thursday, 16 February 2017 10:59

I need help: I got pregnant out of wedlock

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Here’s the story: Once upon a time, I got pregnant out of wedlock. The man who had fathered my child was the guy I was then going to spend the rest of my life with, right? WRONG!

Although this was a certainty to me at the time of my pregnancy at the age of 22, God had bigger and better plans already working. You see, there seems to be this knowledge among a lot of women that the men who father their children are the ones whom they should live with or marry. This is false. It’s also unfortunate that we cannot and should not always stay with these men. The reason? Try reasons; drugs, alcoholism, physical or mental abuse, unwillingness to work, etc. The list goes on and on!

Now I am in NO WAY advocating for divorce… if that’s the flavor you're getting here, let me clarify. One afternoon (during my pregnancy), my dad came to me with information about the father of my baby. I was not a bit prepared for what he told me. He said that he had been concerned by some of the stories this man was telling. He was always seemingly just in “the wrong place, at the wrong time”. So my dad hired a private investigator to look into this man’s past and present. As it turns out, this guy was involved in drugs, he had stolen things, and had beaten the woman before me pretty badly. What my father found out came as a complete surprise to me, and I was devastated! I knew that my father would never make all of this up, so I had to confront the man with this information. The man I had trusted, loved, given myself to, denied it all. He said it was all made up, and then made it seem as though there was something wrong with my dad for having hired an investigator. I ended that toxic relationship right then and there. And you know what? I’m glad I did! It was a grace from God! This man was not ready to be a dad.

Fathering a child is one thing, being a dad is quite another. One is a simple and easy act. The other is a lifetime commitment to raising a child. BIG difference. I am so grateful to Our Lord and His Mother for showing me who this guy was before it was too late! I am not trying to simply make an excuse for women to leave men! If you are in a good marriage with a man who has his faults, and you don’t like those faults …get over it! And then PRAY for him. That is an entirely different situation. You must remember that you have your faults that he must also live with. No, I am speaking of the many women who feel some sense of obligation toward men who will drain you, then leave you dry. The guys who want what they can get, and give nothing in return. They are too selfish to care for you. What makes you think they will care for your child or children? The one you have an obligation to is that child. The little, helpless, innocence you’re carrying in your womb. You must look after their well-being, and that very well may mean leaving that guy who is hurting you. Wake up! Now is the time to see him for who he really is… not when he’s also hurting your kids!

While I was still pregnant, but now going through all of the fearful moments a single mom goes through, I started going regularly to Adoration. I wanted to find peace, and with new–found grace, I knew just where to go looking. One day, as I was praying, another moment of grace came over me. I suddenly saw the light and knew in my heart, then said quietly “I don’t need a man, Lord. All I need is You. Only You.” With that, I went home refreshed and ready to take on any task that would come my way. Just two short weeks later, I met my (now) husband of almost five years, Fred. Now this man, he is a dad…and a great one at that! He is the father of our three beautiful children, and I thank God for him.

To sum up: If you find yourself pregnant, but the man you're with is no good, go seek the counsel of good people in your life. Do not be afraid to walk away from someone you know will do permanent damage to you and your child. If you are Catholic, turn to a priest you can trust. Look to Jesus and especially to Mary, to be your help. Ask St. Joseph to help you to find someone good to help you raise your child. If it be God’s will that that is another man, then let the Holy Spirit be your guide in that choice. God does not want us to be alone and lonely. That is why He has promised to be with us always! You are not alone.

May Christ, His mother, and St. Joseph protect and keep all unwed mothers safe, and give them peace on their journey. Amen.

Faith Tomaszycki

FaithFaith is wife to Fred, and the mother of their 4 energetic young children. Besides trying to keep up with the demands of being a full time house wife, Faith is homeschooling her oldest 2 children, George and Clara. She herself was homeschooled k-12. Faith and her husband reside in Florida. She is also a lay member of The Home of the Mother.