Friday, 28 July 2017 06:00

Marriage and Child Insecurity

Written by

Once again it is the children who make me reflect about things... that make me think, see the world through their eyes, and also realize the confusion to which they are exposed.

It is they who see things with a pure and innocent heart ... but they see, listen to the world around them, and end up stunned, confused.

Of all the catechetical groups in my parish, the class that is most behind with the book is mine (I’m sure, although I have not verified it). Every day my intention is to move forward, but invariably every day 'my kids' assail me with questions. Many, many questions. So, based on pedagogy which is based on the concerns and interests of the students, we forget the book and start the barrage.

Today it has been about marriage (we were discussing the subject of the sacraments). Of all the sacraments, they have focused on that one; something that has surprised me. They have asked me many things, but above all they were interested in knowing if a person can divorce and remarry. From there they start to tell me about their families and their parents. One said: “my parents sometimes argue and then I get very worried about if they are going to divorce”

When I was little, if I saw my parents argue (or not argue, because I didn't see it, but sensed the disagreements by their gestures and silences) I never wondered if they were going to get a divorce. Nowadays, from what I have seen this afternoon, the children feel insecure, they are afraid … afraid that these arguments will end in the breakdown of the marriage and the family. Because it is what they live every day “because so and so’s parents recently divorced” …“because my friend's mother got married again”. They feel insecure at home, which is where they should find the biggest haven of security. And this, inevitably, affects them.

Marriages, and therefore families today, tend to build on sand, and not on firm rock. So many marriages falter and end up failing. And with them, the whole house falls. The family is no longer a solid cell. It is now perceived as something likely to change, with a possible expiration date. The simple fact of having this in mind, of not closing that door of escape, of thinking that when I do not like something I ’ll just leave and that’s it. That in itself is giving way for failure.

When one knows that one’s husband/wife is forever, in the face of difficulties one does not seek the back door, one does not let oneself be carried away by feelings, one always tries to take care of it, and fix it if necessary, because one knows that there is no other option but to remain together. After all that is love... always be there for the other, in good days and in bad days. And those bad days, as one of my girls said to me in class today: “Well, it's normal to fight sometimes, but hey, we ask for forgiveness and you keep on going”. Well, that's why the Lord said that we have to become like children.

 By Judith Hernandez, lay member of the Home of the Mother